lost & found

So.  It's almost February and I've been keeping up with my resolutions pretty well.

I feel more self-confident than ever. I've been insanely happy --- although right now, I am veering towards unhappy. Because I am exhausted. --- I have been incredibly focused (a rarity), really motivated, and just super productive.  I wake up super early to go to the gym before class. I ran five miles in less than 50 minutes! Which is awesome for me. And really, not bad at all in general. I haven't been drunk since New Year's Eve. I've been seeing friends who I neglected for the entirety of last semester.

I feel super focused on myself and super attuned to what I want.

And at the same time, I feel horrible and selfish, because I am neglecting people who ... need me.

Some of my friends are more projects. I work really hard on them and love them until I decide that I'm getting nothing out of it. And then I stop. Suddenly.  One day, I just wake up and decide that it's unhealthy for me to carry on in such a manner. I'm not getting anything out of the relationship. And it's draining.

What am I supposed to do about that?

Is it too selfish if I pick me over someone else?  But then again, isn't that the point of living one's own life???

thought.

i was just thinking that it's kinda wonderful to have someone who knows everything about you and loves you anyway. 

have/don't have v.2.0

I have:
- a round trip plane ticket, new york-paris, for march 11-21
- hundreds of dollars worth of credit card debt, par consequent
- the best best friend a girl could ask for


I don't have:
- a clean room
- a desire to get dressed ever again/go back to the city tomorrow

this year i will

- drink less
- continue to go to the gym twice a week. and continue to like it. because liking it is key to going back.
- become a better cook & try new recipes. because how hard can it be?
- reconnect with people who i care about but for whatever reason lost contact with, or don't see as often as i'd like because i am too lazy to leave my apartment
- not let people push me around.  i'm my own person and you can't tell me what i can/can't do, who i can/can't be friends with. really. you can't.
- hang around the negative people less often.  they ruin my aura.
- be braver.

things i would do every day if i could

 - drink an entire pot of tea. black, with honey & milk.
- take a meaningless stroll around the cobblestoned streets of the west village
- have a glass of wine or two. just because. 
- dance around my apartment, singing french songs and duets with bryan


3/4 are feasible, so i guess that makes me lucky, but i'd trade 1-3 for 4 ...

boring

i wish with all my heart that i did more interesting things so i could have a blog worth reading.

at only 22, how is it that i feel that i've wasted so much time?