so long . . .

well, summer is over. basically.

it was my last day of work at atlantique. maybe/probably forever, but who am i to say?

i'm really sad about it and i don't know why. i don't want to be sad. i want to be excited to move on. to move in to my waverly place apartment, start up my internship again, take some hopefully interesting classes, drink til i forget how to meander the winding west village streets on the way home from cubby on tuesday nights...

maybe it's because summer is over and it is my last real summer. for the rest of my life. ohmygod-don't think like that. that makes me want to vomit. i hate the word 'forever' so badly.

maybe it's because it is my only real daily contact with non-nyu/city kids. it's hard to relate to other people. it is. and right now, right at this moment, i'm wondering what it would be like if i chose to go to a state school in a small town upstate. would i be a sweatpant wearing, beer from a red plastic cup drinking, beer pong playing girl? would i be the kind of girl that was so stoked for her 21st birthday because it meant she could get in to boardy barn, the bar capital of trashy long island?

normally i don't care, because i'm not interested. but i feel like everything would be so much easier if that were me. i wouldn't be the weird one anymore. nyu and the west village ruined me, and i was already a little weird to begin with. i am a skirt wearing, wine drinking, glitter loving, publishing interning girl (hag).

i am a freak. one of the rare weird long island children who don't really belong here.

but i want to fit in. i feel like i am missing out and i wonder what it would be like and how much easier my life would be...

would i be a loser?
probably. but i'd be so cool...