so, tomorrow morning i make the annual (bi-annual, in the past years) trek to new york city with all of my shit. it's only 40 miles, but it feels so much further.

i hate :
packing up my room
saying goodbye to my family

and i know i love being at school, and i know that when may rolls around i never want to come home, but right now i just don't want to leave. i hate moving ; it always seems so final. and who knows what will happen in between now and whenever i find myself here again?

i don't know why i always think like that. everything always seems so final. it's like i'm already an old lady and expect everyone to just die. maybe it's the combination of being a part of the millennial generation (teens on september 11, 2001) and seeing so much unexpected loss recently. i think about it every day. who knows if i'll even make it to the city tomorrow? anything can happen in a minute, let alone twelve hours. this is fucked up and i don't want to think like this. i don't want to grow up.

but what have i learned in college? two things that i repeat to myself often, hoping that they will sink in
--- learn to accept what you cannot change, and don't be afraid.

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on a side note, i found this in an article and thought it was interesting:
"The Millennial Generation is, in many ways, a generation of contrasts - e.g., they are both team-oriented and narcissistic; they are said to be optimistic, yet also cyncial; they do volunteer activities but the motivies are unclear."