melancholy

sometimes i get really busy and caught up with life and i forget things. like i forgot that danielle is dead. and my grandpa... and aunt eileen. it's easy to forget, sometimes. and then i feel really guilty. because it's not fair.  mostly about danielle. because childhood best friends are not supposed to die 6 months before their 21st birthday.

but at the same time, it's comforting to forget.  because there was a time when i didn't know how i would keep going. when i didn't think it would ever stop hurting. but now i know that it does get better, a little bit. no matter how bad you feel at the time. you never really get over it, but you move on. ugh that sounds terrible. because you don't want to move on, do you? you don't want to forget these people, these times in your life that meant so much to you.

my daddy's gonna be 50 in a week. that scares me very much. i don't think he likes it, either.

and now i am crying.

and i miss my best friend, who for some reason is in love with paris and will never come home to me, even though it's always better when we're together, like jack johnson sings.