i feel really disconnected from a lot of people. and at the same time, really connected to city folk. i don't mean to sound pretentious, this is just the way i see it : there's a large difference in the size of our worlds. we are not townies. we don't go to the same one bar every weekend, and instead of keggers we go to cocktail parties. sundresses instead of jean shorts.
the world is at my fingertips and i want it all!
i've been places. i'm doing things.
i don't mean to belittle other people's existences, because to each his own, and sometimes i wish i could be satisfied in a town. but i know i can't be. not til i'm old, anyway. or not til this city has ripped every inch of my soul away, because that's what it does. self-destruction. but the city pulls me in. there's that one spot on the BQE where you can first see the city skyline stretched out before you in all its neon glory. but you don't just see it. you can feel it pulsing. it is alive in every sense of the word.
i feel like when i go home i am largely ignored. people ask questions, seem interested for a few minutes. but then they move on to what is familiar. hometown sports, schools, town gossip. nobody really cares or understands.
i don't blame them for this. but it's frustrating and it's lonely.
my own parents ignored me yesterday. they came to take home my stuff and then we went out to lunch, and all they talked about was my little brother's sports teams and television. it was awful.
it'll be nice to go home. take a break from it all for awhile. though i do wish i could stay..
but it'll be even nicer to come back. especially if i am lucky for once in my life and get it all --- a west village apartment (non-dorm) and a job as assistant to one of the greatest name's in children's publishing.
except for the going to school part, of course.
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