a title change

this blog should be called a fag hagography, because let's face it. my life is a disaster.

mona and beth made me go to a straight bar.

how is it that i am much more comfortable in a lesbian bar than in a straight bar?

i am so socially awkward. there were more straight boys in the room than in my entire school/more than i've seen in my post-high school life. and it made me nervous and awkward and i don't know how to act.

so what did i do? walked as fast as i could away from the east village, back to the homeland. i sighed deeply once i reached monster bar and stared through the window at boys kissing. and i walked down christopher street and all was right again.

except not really, because i am not actually a boy and the gay scene will never actually be my own. no matter how good of a gay boyfriend i am, i am still a girl and that means i am too needy.

grace was often left home when the boys went out.

this is no life.

and yet it's the only one i know.

and i really don't see (or really want) a way out.

better to be lonely and fabulous than with an ugly straight boy who watches sports on the weekends and listens to bad heavy metal?