to girl in class

dear girl in class who usually sits in the second row,
i hate you. i really really think i hate you. and i don't even know you. i can't even remember your name, although the prof is forced to call on you at least ten times per class. i hate your voice. i hate your stupidity. i wonder if you think about what you ask before you ask it. i wonder if you think people in the class care to hear each time that you ask a question, n'importe quelle sujet, that you studied abroad in paris in high school. i don't care whether you consider yourself bilingual or not. i do not care about you and i really want you to stop writing pages of notes in full sentences so that you can hear when the prof mentions a date (i had the displeasure of sitting near you today). i also want you to stop chiming in every time someone else raises their hand to speak. you are neither the professor nor the TA, as far as i know. additionally, this is your first linguistics class (and i'm guessing maybe your first year at nyu). you don't know ANYTHING. would it be rude if, during the next class, i turned around and begged you to stop talking? you make me hate myself and my life and dread the hour that i spend in that classroom. you make me want to take my pen and stick it in my eyeballs. you are so unpleasant.

not quite fondly,
bridget